In a world that celebrates chemistry, romance, and physical attraction, how do you navigate the deeper questions about finding a spouse? How do you know who’s the right person, especially when everyone seems to have an opinion about what makes a perfect match?
By Dr. Tim Orr
As a university student, you’re likely facing more than just academic pressures. Questions about your future, purpose, and even who you might marry often loom during these formative years. In a world that celebrates chemistry, romance, and physical attraction, how do you navigate the deeper questions about finding a spouse? How do you know who’s the right person, especially when everyone seems to have an opinion about what makes a perfect match?
The story of Ruth, a Moabite widow who becomes part of Israel’s legacy, offers an extraordinary perspective on these very questions. It’s a story not driven by modern concepts of dating or romance but by character, honor, and trust in God’s timing. Ruth’s journey shows us a better relationship approach—one rooted in faith, not fleeting emotions.
But here’s the real question: Are you ready to rethink how you approach love and marriage?
Let Ruth’s story challenge you to consider what matters in choosing a life partner. By the end of this blog, you’ll walk away with valuable biblical insights and some practical ways to apply them in your own life.
My friend Josh was caught in a common dilemma when I was a student. He’d been dating a girl for a year, and everyone told him they were a “perfect match.” They had great chemistry, loved spending time together, and were even the couple that everyone envied. But deep down, Josh couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. Over time, he realized it was the issue of character. While chemistry made things fun in the short term, he began noticing patterns in her integrity and treatment of others that raised red flags.
Ruth’s story shows us how important character is in choosing a spouse. Ruth was known for her loyalty, integrity, and faithfulness. On the other hand, Boaz was a man of honor who treated her with respect, protection, and provision. It wasn’t chemistry that brought them together—it was the character God had cultivated in both of them. Neither of them focused on external qualities but instead, let their values and devotion to God guide their decisions. Their story reminds us to look deeper in a world driven by emotions.
Relationships are like building a house. Chemistry is the pretty paint on the walls, but character is the foundation. If the foundation is weak, the house won’t last. It’s the same with relationships. Ask yourself: Is this person building their life on a strong foundation of faith, integrity, and character? What do their actions reveal when no one’s watching?
Reflection Question: What qualities stand out most when you think about your future spouse? Are they based more on feelings or character?
Have you heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? My classmate Emily learned this firsthand when she started dating a guy who seemed like the total package—kind, attentive, and fun to be around. But when setting boundaries, he constantly pushed limits, testing her commitment to purity. In the end, his words didn’t align with his actions. It was a difficult realization, but it showed her that true integrity means respecting boundaries, not just talking about them.
In contrast, Boaz pursued Ruth with honor and integrity. He didn’t rush into a relationship or try to exploit her vulnerable situation. Instead, he showed patience and protected her dignity. Their relationship wasn’t built on manipulation or quick emotions but on a deep respect for each other’s boundaries and God’s law. Boaz never pressured Ruth into anything, showing that true love is marked by honor. He was more concerned with doing the right thing than satisfying temporary desires.
Imagine you’re hiking up a mountain. Your guide can either respect the safety rules and lead you on the right path or ignore them and take shortcuts that put you in danger. A relationship is similar—you need someone who respects boundaries and values your well-being. A partner who leads with integrity will always be more trustworthy than one who prioritizes their desires over doing what’s right.
Reflection Question: How do you balance personal attraction with deeper values like integrity, honor, and faith?
A few years ago, my friend Lisa was the only one in her friend group who did not date anyone. Everyone around her seemed to be in a relationship, and the pressure to “find someone” weighed heavily on her. But Lisa made a decision—she was going to trust God’s timing, no matter how long it took. It wasn’t easy, but she focused on growing her relationship with God while waiting. During this period of trust and patience, she truly found peace in her singleness, knowing that God was working behind the scenes.
Ruth’s story reminds us that God’s timing is perfect. Ruth didn’t know that gleaning in Boaz’s field would lead to marriage. She followed Naomi’s guidance and trusted God for the outcome. Ultimately, God provided for Ruth and Naomi in ways they couldn’t have imagined. By waiting on God’s timing, they avoided forcing situations and let God’s plan unfold naturally. We often miss God’s best for us when we rush into things.
Picture a puzzle. You can’t see the full picture when you’re working on just one piece, but when you finish, you realize every piece was necessary to complete the whole. Our lives are like that. Trust that God is putting the pieces together, even when you can’t see the full picture. Patience allows God to work in ways you might not understand right now.
Reflection Question: Are you willing to trust God’s timing, even if it means waiting longer than you’d like?
One of my professors, Dr. Anderson, used to tell this story: “I once had a student come to me after his wedding, and I asked him how he was doing. He said, ‘I’m not sure I married the right person.’ I was stunned, but then he explained, ‘I just don’t feel the same way I did when we were dating.’ I looked at him and said, ‘Marriage is about commitment, not feelings. Feelings change, but commitment lasts.’” That conversation stuck with me because it’s a common misconception in relationships—people think feelings are the foundation of marriage, but they’re not.
Ruth and Boaz’s marriage wasn’t driven by romantic feelings. Their union was based on a covenant before God, witnessed by the community, and blessed by His provision. They understood that marriage is a commitment beyond emotions— about living out God’s will together. Their story reminds us that the marriage covenant is sacred and involves much more than fleeting feelings of love. They entered marriage, understanding it was a lifelong commitment that honored God.
Marriage is like a marathon, not a sprint. Initially, it’s exciting, but there are moments when the race gets tough. The couples who make it to the finish line are committed to the journey, not just the thrill at the start. When emotions fade, commitment keeps you moving forward together.
Reflection Question: Do they share your understanding of marriage as a covenant before God, and are you ready to commit to them for life?
My cousin Sarah had been dating her boyfriend for two years and was seriously considering marriage. But something didn’t feel right to her. She sought the advice of her close friends and family, who gently pointed out some red flags she had overlooked. With their support, she stepped back and realized she needed to end the relationship. It was difficult, but she realized that outside counsel can bring clarity when emotions cloud your judgment.
Ruth didn’t navigate her journey alone—she had Naomi’s guidance. Naomi helped Ruth see things from a perspective she couldn’t have seen on her own, and her wisdom led Ruth to Boaz. Similarly, having the counsel of trusted mentors and friends can help you see beyond your emotions and make wise decisions. God places people in our lives for a reason, and their insights can often prevent us from making decisions we might regret later. Community helps you discern truth when emotions run high.
You’re driving down a foggy road. You can only see so far ahead, but your passengers can see things from different angles. Their perspective could save you from a wrong turn or danger you didn’t notice. That’s what good counsel does—it helps guide you when you’re unsure of what’s ahead.
Reflection Question: Who can help you navigate your relationship decisions with wisdom and clarity?
Ruth and Boaz’s story is a powerful reminder that God’s marriage plan is more than romance—it’s about obedience, honor, and trust in His timing. As you navigate dating and relationships at university, keep these principles in mind. Look for someone with character, honor God's boundaries, and trust His timing in bringing the right person into your life. God’s plan is always greater than our desires, and when we trust Him, we experience His provision in ways beyond our imagination.
Marriage is a journey, and like Ruth and Boaz, when you commit to living out God’s will together, you’ll experience His provision and blessing in ways beyond what you could have imagined. Trust Him, and let His wisdom guide your relationships.
I hope this blog helps you reflect on your relationships and see them through the lens of faith and wisdom. Are you ready to make thoughtful decisions about your future spouse? Let Ruth’s story guide you as you walk this journey.
The ideas in this blog are mine, but AI assisted in writing them.
Tim Orr is an Evangelical minister, conference speaker, and interfaith consultant with over 30 years of experience in cross-cultural ministry. He holds six degrees, including a master’s in Islamic studies from the Islamic College in London. Tim taught Religious Studies for 17 years at Indiana University Columbus and is now a Congregations and Polarization Project research associate. He has spoken at universities, including Oxford, and mosques throughout the U.K. His research focuses on American Evangelicalism, Islamic antisemitism, and Islamic feminism, and he has published widely, including three books.
