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Chasing the Monsters Away: A Tale of Healing, Faith,
and Love
Though my writing pursuits have shifted over the years,
tonight was a rare exception—a moment of inspiration that I hope will touch
your heart in a meaningful way. As I share this story, my prayer is that it
brings you a sense of blessing and encouragement
We often stumble upon unexpected
moments of revelation when a simple melody or a set of lyrics resonates
with our soul. Tonight, I discovered the song "Monsters,"
originally sung by James Blunt, but, in my case, I heard it through the
heartfelt rendition of Iam Tongi, which reflected his relationship with his
father before he died. Yet, for me, the song struck a deeply personal chord
that reverberated with a relationship I had mourned for years—the one
between my father and me.
Oh,
before they turn off all the lights
I
won't read you your wrongs or your rights
The
time has gone
I'll
tell you goodnight, close the door
Tell
you I love you once more
The
time has gone
So
here it is
I'm
not your son, you're not my father
We're
just two grown men saying goodbye
No
need to forgive, no need to forget
I
know your mistakes and you know mine
And
while you're sleeping I'll try to make you proud
So,
Daddy, won't you just close your eyes?
Don't
be afraid, it's my turn
To
chase the monsters away
My Journey in Life
A series of trials and
tribulations have marked my journey through life. From the moment I entered
this world, I faced the challenges of being born with multiple birth
defects. My parents' turbulent divorce, marred by domestic abuse, cast a
shadow over my formative years. I grappled with personal battles that
included suicidal thoughts, alcoholism that led to three arrests, and a
relentless struggle with neurotic fear and chronic anxiety. At times, the
weight of shame seemed unbearable. Yet, as I embarked on a spiritual
journey and found solace in Christ, I began confronting and conquering
these “monsters” one by one.
However, beneath the surface, one
wound ran deeper than all the rest—a wound I inherited from my father. At
the tender age of 15, my father, along with my stepfather, walked out of my
life. Despite numerous attempts to reconnect with my birth father over the
years, he steadfastly resisted my overtures. Then, one fateful day, an
unexpected call from a nursing home shattered the silence: my father was
terminally ill, battling cancer with only weeks to live.
I seized the opportunity to be
with him in his final days, but our reunion was a bittersweet farewell
between two estranged men. The bonds of father and son had eroded over
time, but the longing in my heart remained—to hear those three simple
words, "I love you," from my father. Even as I bid him farewell,
I yearned for that declaration, an unspoken desire that lingered until his
last breath. At that moment, I realized that those words would forever
remain unspoken—a poignant occasion to chase another monster away.
But, amid sorrow, I discovered
that God works in mysterious ways. Four years later, my wife Michelle and I
were blessed with a miracle—a daughter we named Faith. During those years,
I began to grow into the role of a father, a journey that prepared me for
the challenges ahead. Yet, six years later, tragedy struck once more when
Michelle passed away.
I vividly remember the day when a
phone call from my mother-in-law shattered the tranquility of our lives.
Michelle had gone home to be with Jesus, and my world was plunged into
turmoil. Emotions raged within me, and grief cast its long, daunting
shadow. However, my foremost concern was for Faith. How would this loss
affect her? The mother-daughter bond they shared was profound and
unbreakable. How could I ever hope to fill that void?
Feelings of inadequacy welled up
inside me. How would I raise a child with special needs on my own? Michelle
and I had been a team, partners in parenthood. We had crafted bedtime
routines together and navigated the intricacies of parenting as one. The void
left by her absence seemed insurmountable.
My Daughter’s Journey in Life
Late one evening, I walked over to
Faith's bedroom, quietly pushed the door ajar, and gazed upon her innocent
form. She lay there, a serene smile adorning her face as she savored a
peaceful dream. At that moment, I clung to her, unwilling to let go. We lay
together for an eternity, a father's embrace comforting his precious
daughter.
The following morning, as Faith
and I awoke, the harsh reality of our loss weighed upon us. She turned to
me innocently and asked, "Where is Mommy?" I gently explained
that Mommy had gone to be with Jesus. Her response, however, struck a chord
deep within my soul.
"Daddy," she said,
"I couldn't wake Mommy. How come I couldn't wake Mommy up?" She
recounted her futile attempts to rouse her mother when she witnessed her
passing, even pulling Michelle's hair in a desperate bid to awaken her. It
was a memory that Faith would carry with her, the final image of her
mother. In that moment, I found myself grappling with a sense of
helplessness, unsure of how to navigate this turbulent sea of emotions.
My mind wandered back to the
moments when Michelle had encouraged me, prayed for me, and, at times,
lovingly admonished me. She had played an instrumental role in helping me
chase away the monsters that haunted my past. As I stood at the precipice
of fatherhood, I realized that it was my responsibility to help Faith chase
away the monsters in her own life. It was a daunting task that I had to
undertake alone, without the partner who had shared in this sacred journey
of parenthood.
Over seven years have passed since
Michelle's passing, and I stand in awe of the remarkable person Faith has
become. She has embarked on her own journey, learning to chase away the
monsters lurking in her life's corners. I have listened to her cries in prayer,
heard her earnest pleas to God, and witnessed her unshakable faith. In her
way, she is "chasing the monsters away."
How do I continue to chase the
monsters away in my own life?
In the darkest moments, when
tragedy and loss cast their long shadows upon my heart, I have learned to
seek solace and answers in one place—my faith in God's love and grace.
Amidst life's stormy seas, I have found that faith in Christ becomes our
anchor and God's love and grace our refuge. The path may be arduous and
filled with challenges, but with each step taken in faith, we draw closer
to healing and restoration.
I have discovered the strength to
endure and transcend my circumstances through prayer, scripture,
fellowship, counseling, study, worship, service, forgiveness, and
journaling. The unwavering love of our Heavenly Father has transformed me.
Within His embrace, I have realized that even in the darkest times, hope
endures, healing is attainable, and the promise of a brighter tomorrow
remains steadfast.
In the poignant lyrics of
"Monsters," we find echoes of our stories—the trials and
tribulations, the wounds and losses, and the longing for love and
connection. But it is through our faith and the enduring grace of God that
we find the strength to confront our monsters, to chase them away, and to
emerge on the other side, stronger and filled with hope.
Life is a journey, a series of
highs and lows, victories and defeats, joys and sorrows. Yet, through it
all, we are never alone.
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